Thursday, January 9, 2014

Relationship Status: Single and Smiling

Where do I begin? The past couple weeks have been fairly eventful. With a new year and a new semester started, I've been on the Strugglebus a few times as you might guess. I'm still a holiday virgin! No New Years kiss, but I'm okay with that.

I can say that my classes are much more suitable for me, so that's been a great experience. I've been trying not to procrastinate and getting to the library to get ahead. I'm taking 17 credit hours/7 classes so this is more than I usually take on, but I'm enjoying the material a lot already. I hope it stays that way.

Relationship-wise, things are certainly not so great. I like to take my time and get to know someone. I'm not about time constraints, but I think it takes a lot of time to get to know someone new and decide whether it's a good fit or not. I happen to thoroughly enjoy being single. Sometimes, relationships sound appealing, but then I remember how much work they really are. If I choose to get into one, I'd prefer to put in 100% as it's not fair not to put in any less. Recently, I was talking to someone, and it seemed great at first. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I thought maybe this could turn into something. You never know. Yeah, you never know until you jump into it and discover it's not what you thought. I always keep my heart locked tight, and that doesn't really change. I won't change for someone. Compromises are fine, of course. Naturally, if you want to make it through life, you're going to need to make them. You just have to decide which ones are worth making.

Unfortunately, in this situation, I wasn't ready to commit to anything. I actually tried to make this clear from the get-go, but I guess I wasn't clear enough (communication is key! No one wants their time wasted!). I'm just entering my twenties. I'm young. I'm adventurous. A relationship doesn't interest me, and that's okay. I want to get married someday and have kids, but that's not on my agenda at the moment. I have to focus on school, my co-ed honor fraternity, my health – mind, body, and soul – and maintaining the friendships I already have while developing new ones. Frankly, a boyfriend at this point is just an accessory. It's funny because my roommate pointed out that I'm always the "guy" in the relationship. I never want anything serious, I'm extremely independent, and I'm usually the one to break things off. In fact, I'm always the one deciding the fate of the relationship.

I've been coming back to my senses after last year, and I'm just looking out for what's best for me. As a college student with a lot of goals and ambition, it's okay to be selfish in my personal life right now. I didn't mean to hurt him, but I also think guys need to consider what the girl they're chasing after is really all about. You can't figure that out in a week. Men: don't think with your eyes. Think with your ears. Listen to what she has to say especially if she's a woman of few words like myself. I would say I'm complex, but not impossible. Take the time to figure out if she's someone you really want to get involved with and if she's truly in sync with what you want romantically. Don't be blinded by what you want to see. Take a good, hard look at what's in front of you. Face realizations early on; it'll prevent you from getting hurt. Bringing someone into your life isn't to be taken lightly: it takes work. It's not just like a new phone or gadget you incorporate into your life. People are dynamic and have millions of facets ranging from their moods to the people they're connected with to their thinking to their experiences. There is no single story to any person. Remember that.

I don't know if this would work for you, but it always works for me:

If you think you like someone, observe them for 30 days. Talk to the person, and maybe get to know them a bit. If you're still interested after 30 days, go for it.

There's probably some psychology behind it since trial runs for products are usually 30 days – not saying a person is a product! But I'm sure this isn't a coincidence. I skipped my 30-day rule this time, and it did not end well. It also doesn't help that he's friends with a bunch of my friends, too. Be careful if that's what you're getting into. The effects may radiate in an undesirable fashion beyond what you intended. We're all interconnected, so be careful.

Also, don't force anything, and don't be afraid to FRIENDZONE someone until you decide they're someone you actually want to pursue. It will save you time! LOTS of it! Be your own person, and don't take any crap about things they tell you that you "need to fix" or "work on", especially if you just met. Sorry, that's bullshit. You know what you need to improve on, and your love interest should respect your values, quirks, insights, body, etc. Whatever it may be, your person is there for the great things about you, not the things that aren't perfect. If they don't like something and want to change you, then you decide if it's reasonable or not. Not everything is going to match perfectly, which is why the phrase "opposites attract" exists. However, if it rubs you the wrong way because it's just a fundamental part of who you are or how you're wired, is it worth staying? You tell me.